Things are awesome right now, kiddos. Thursday a couple of projects got wrapped up that made me realize I’m finally on the first rung of a ladder on my way to what I’ve been wanting to do for-freaking-ever. I finished my internship at the Independent this week, and today I also finished my first graphic design class–strongly, I might add.
You know how you spend all this time telling yourself that what you want to do with your life is too selfish or to trivial and then realize you’re just a small part of an enormously complex world so maybe your “trivial” place is actually relevant too?
You heard me.
So I’m finally getting paid to write, even if it’s just web-copy. Gotta start somewhere, right? And I decided that this new juncture was probably the perfect time to start my new blog, which I’ve wanted to do for a really long time. It’s amazing how gratifying it can be to just plunge into giving what you really want to do everything you have instead of hanging back and beating yourself up for being selfish.
A giant step for me on the mental health front, also.
A year ago I was a crumbling ball of suck rocking back and forth in my therapist’s office. It’s been a really intense couple of years trying to figure out how to stabilize. It’s included counseling, thought stopping techniques, self monitoring, journaling, and a whole lot of screaming and crying to be completely honest. In September I finally found the right medication to get me off of the floor (quite literally), and yesterday when I saw my doctor, I was finally comfortable enough to embark on treating the anxiety medically.
The anxiety is why I quit my job working at the rape crisis center. That was the job I thought I should have in lieu of writing–the less trivial more noble, more helpful job to my self-recriminating spinning-top of a brain.
I feel a little frustrated that even though I’ve come so far I still am stricken occasionally when riding in a car or when an idea gets planted in my head that just won’t go away (usually it’s that somehow I’m going to accidentally break that bone at the base of my sternum and my insides are going to get shredded). Since adding 5mg of a new medication, though, there have been a few times when I should have “gone off” but didn’t–the trigger thought came and the body didn’t follow.
Anyway, just thought with all the mental health progress over the past year, this was news worth sharing.