A Quiet Place + 1,000 Years of Silence

The Movie: A Quiet Place (2018)

A Quiet Place stars Emily Blunt as the most improbably stoic farm woman ever, John Krasinski as the daddest dad whoever dadded, Millicent Simmonds as a miniature bad bitch, Noah Jupe who’s doing his best, and quite possibly the largest raccoon I have ever seen.

The less you know about A Quiet Place the better most likely, although it’s unlikely anything I say will make your experience more comfortable. It’s like the velociraptors-in-the-kitchen scene and the T-Rex scene from Jurassic Park were stretched out to 95 minutes with absolutely no respite (there’s a little bit of Witness thrown in there, too–deep cut, I know).

I’m not sure if it’s true for every theater, but in the one we were in there was a PSA right before the movie to discourage people from crinkling candy wrappers and doing the usually annoying movie-goer no-no’s. Someone loudly eating popcorn is snatched out of their seat by an unseen monster. After that, I’ve never been in the midst of so many quiet teenagers. That’s effective hype and and effective tension setting.

A couple things though…

I have so many questions about how these people survive as long as they do. The Abbott family owns a farm and a basement full of amateur radio equipment. They’ve got impeccable fields of corn, which they somehow maintain without gas-powered equipment. Their silo is full of corn that hasn’t gone bad after 400-something days.

While they’re the best equipped to survive this apocalyptic scenario, I can’t help but wonder how they don’t scream in their sleep with all the trauma of almost all of humanity being wiped out around them? How do they silently use the bathroom? And how do these nightmare creatures not just hover near their home at all times waiting for them to make a noise and reveal their location? They appear to be religious, which explains how they can laugh silently. Anyone who has gotten the church giggles understands.

None of these questions are really bothersome during the movie, though. You’ll be too busy holding your breath and being to afraid to eat your popcorn.

The Beer: 1000 Years of Silence

From Fort George Brewery

1000-years-of-silence

This is is a seasonal beer, so you can only really drink it now if you’ve stockpiled. I’m sure survivalists like the Abbotts would have cellared their beer, but they’re probably smart enough to avoid alcohol altogether. Enjoy this stout with its chili adjuncts, but just don’t get too rowdy from the 10.5% ABV. And for the love of god don’t drop your beer bottle.

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